MY RELATIONSHIP STRATEGY (PART 18)
ARE YOU CAPABLE OF OVERCOMING YOUR RELATIONSHIP FEARS?
At some stage in your relationship, fear in one form or another is likely to surface and
undermine your happiness. Therefore, I ask you this simple question, “Are you capable of overcoming your relationship fears?”
Now Let us begin this discussion by taking a look at some of the most common types of fears that occur in our relationships and consider some possible ways in which to help you overcome them. First lets watch this video by Minister Terri and she speaks truth to power on this subject of fear. The title of her message is, “fear not, for there is nothing to fear.” At the conclusion of Minister Terri’s message, please continue to read the rest of the story and then at the bottom of the page take a moment and post your own thoughts on how you have been able to overcome your relationship fears.
Recent studies have found that the most prevalent relationship fear is the fear of being rejected by or losing your partner. When it first dawns upon you that you are deeply in love with a person and find them irresistible, it is difficult not to assume that everyone else must feel the same way about them too. Therefore, your emotions of fears begins to rise and your thoughts tell you that “someone better” will entice them away from you. Or, when you are about to make a commitment – say, when you are on the verge of deciding to live together, or you have decided to ask that person to marry you, you fear that cementing the relationship in this way will somehow make your partner feel tied down and scare them off. Or, when your relationship has stood the test of time and you feel happy and settled, you might one day suddenly be afraid that your loved one might just decide to walk away from the relationship. Perhaps you might start thinking, what if that person becomes ill and suddenly dies? Of course death is something that we all are going to experience at some point in time.
Take a moment now to reflect on your relationship fears, and write down your five worst fears. Now, taking each of these in turn, ask yourself these questions: what would I do if this happen? Who would be sympathetic? How would life be a month later? A year later? Through these questions you are facing up to your worst fears; and by making contingency plans in case any of these fears is actually realized, you are taking away much of their power over you.
Remember, your fears are what keeps you stuck in yesterday’s situation. It is hard for your relationship to grow and prosper when you are constantly thinking of your worst fears manifesting themselves into reality.
Another common relationship problem (almost the opposite of fear of loss) is fear of
commitment. This can arise from a bad experience in a previous relationship, whether as a child with a domineering parent, or as an adult with a previous, overly possessive partner. It may also stem from low self-esteem you believe that you don’t deserve to be loved. The way to deal with this type of commitment fear is to probe through your past, try to pinpoint the cause and, again, face the fear. This can take courage, but it is well worth it, because once you can accept whatever happened in your past and move on, you will be free to be truly present in your relationship. There is a third cause of commitment fear—that, deep down, you think you might have made the wrong choice in partner. If this is truly the case, you owe it both to yourself and to your partner to be honest, to admit your doubts and to walk away from the relationship.
A forth type of fear is trust. Do you truly trust the person that you are with to do right by you now and in the end? Is this person truly a person of their word? Are they always honest with you are do they say one thing today and do another tomorrow, are still perhaps they give today and take back tomorrow? When the chips are down and the future looks dim and all the opportunities are very slim, can you trust this person to stand with you are will they run back to their family? These fears are real and you must face them now, and face them by confronting the truth in the reality of knowing that this person is the one person that you can truly trust to stand by your side when everyone else and everything else is against you.
A further type of fear that requires consideration is the fear of violence (not just physical abuse, but also verbal abuse as well, such as threatening behavior and shouting). If you feel that your partner has a problem with violence, take a firm stand. Demand that they take a course in anger management or undergo counseling to learn to control themselves. If they do not agree to seek help, it might be best to leave the relationship until they do. Love cannot survive in an
atmosphere of fear.
MY MAXAMIZE PRAYER: Father I thank you for allowing me to be in your presents this morning. I realize that I have fallen short of your glory, and I have done many things that were not always pleasing in your sight. But today father, I seek your forgiveness, and ask you for
strength to overcome the obstacles that are keeping my relationships from blousing into full bloom. Give me the wisdom to understand, the power to overcome, and the peace to enjoy all that is in front of me. In Jesus name, Amen.