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The state of a couple’s sex life is often a barometer of their relationship in general. When they are happy, sexual relations between them are good, but when problems occur in other areas of their life, their sex life often suffers too. This is because sex is a form of communication, and any difficulties we have in relating emotionally to each other are magnified by the physical intimacy of SEXUAL union. However, it is also precisely because sex is the most intimate form of physical communication that it is the ideal vehicle through which to express love for our partner.

At the start of a RELATIONSHIP, when your levels of intimacy and commitment increase, the need to make love decreases and your sex life settles down. You may feel that the passion has gone, but in reality, you are simply adjusting to each other’s natural libidos. This is a good time to embark on a journey to explore each other’s SENSUALITY and learn how best to fulfill each other’s sexual needs.

A useful way to start is to make regular dates to spend intimate time together say, a couple of hours once or twice a week. You need to ensure that you will have total privacy, so try to arrange your dates to coincide with times when other members of the household will be out. Don’t feel that you have to make love in these sessions – the idea is to spend time getting to rediscover each other sexually in whatever ways feel most comfortable. You might like to talk, say, about past sexual experiences or what turns you on; or you might prefer to start the date by kissing and caressing each other tenderly and see where this touching leads you; or, again, you might wish to look at a sex manual or watch a sex video together, and talk about the positions and techniques they demonstrate. This will help you find a way to speak about your sexual desires. The more you learn about how to please each other, the more satisfying your sex life will become.

As you build up trust and physical intimacy, you can gradually introduce new elements into your love-making. Why not ask a favor of each other next time you have sex – you could ask your partner to give you a massage or to share their most erotic fantasy with you. Remember, whatever you choose to do, always approach sex with tenderness so that “making love” is a literal description of what you do together sexually.


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