At some stage in your relationship, fear in one form or another is likely to surface and
undermine your happiness. Let’s have a look at the most common types of fear that occur in relationships and consider some possible ways in which to overcome them.
By far the most prevalent relationship fear is the fear of being rejected by or losing
your partner. When it first dawns upon you that you are deeply in love with a person and find them irresistible, it is difficult not to assume that everyone else must feel the same way about them too. Therefore, you fear that someone “better” will entice them away from you. Or, when you are about to make a commitment – say, when you are on the verge of deciding to live together – you fear that cementing the relationship in this way will somehow make your partner feel tied down and scare them off. Or, when your relationship has stood the test of time and you feel happy and settled, you might one day suddenly be afraid that your loved one could fall ill and die.
Take a moment now to reflect on your relationship fears, and write down the five
worst. Now, taking each of these in turn, ask yourself these questions: what would I do if this happen? Who would be sympathetic? How would life be a month later? A year later? Through these questions you are facing up to your worst fears; and by making contingency plans in case any of these fears is actually realized, you are taking away much of their power over you.
Another common relationship problem (almost the opposite of fear of loss) is fear of
commitment. This can arise from a bad experience in a previous relationship, whether as a child with a domineering parent, or as an adult with a previous, overly possessive partner. It may also stem from low self-esteem you believe that you don’t deserve to be loved. The way to deal with this type of commitment fear is to probe through your past, try to pinpoint the cause and, again, face the fear. This can take courage, but it is well worth it, because once you can accept whatever happened in your past and move on, you will be free to be truly present in your relationship. There is a third cause of commitment fear—that, deep down, you think you might have made the wrong choice of partner. If this is truly the case, you owe it both to yourself and to your partner to be honest, to admit your doubts and to walk away from the relationship.
A further type of fear that requires consideration is the fear of violence (not just physical abuse, but also verbal, as well as threatening behavior and shouting). If you feel that your partner
has a problem with violence, take a firm stand. Demand that they take a course in anger management or undergo counseling to learn to control themselves. If they do not agree to seek help, it might be best to leave the relationship until they do. Love cannot survive in an
atmosphere of fear.
MY MAXAMIZE PRAYER: Father I thank you for allowing me to be in your presents this morning. I realize that I have fallen short of your glory, and I have done many things that were not always pleasing in your sight. But today father, I seek your forgiveness, and ask you for
strength to overcome the obstacles that are keeping my relationships from blousing into full bloom. Give me the wisdom to understand, the power to overcome, and the peace to enjoy all that is in front of me. In Jesus name. Amen.